How to foil an iPhone thief

There have been a spate of iPhone thefts around Dublin lately. Mostly, women are being targeted by young fellas on foot or on bikes who effectively stalk them for some time to determine whether the phone is really an iPhone. Apparently they have a high resale value, despite the assumption that once they're stolen and shut down by your network they all but self destruct.

A few months ago some little runt came running up behind me as I was walking up Eustace Street in Temple Bar. I was writing an email on my phone so had been walking along slowly for some time. Having heard of these thefts I was clutching my phone more tightly than normal, and that's probably why I still have it. But I like to think it's because of what happened next.

He ran at me from the side, grabbing hold of the phone as he passed and pulled at it with two hands. I ROARED at him with all the rage and fire of adrenalin, called him many unprintable names and possibly flailed at him with my legs. He finally gave up and ran off onto Dame Street hopefully feeling extremely sheepish for not being able to rob a phone from a girl. My phone bears the scar of a scratched screen cover and I grip it with all my might walking around town.

So, if you hear the patter of juvenile delinquent feet as you walk through town, iPhone aloft here's what to do:

1. Grip phone with iron fist

2. Terrify the little bastard with a roar so great you vibrate

3. Run after him and knock him to the ground and sit on him until the police show up (you may be there some time), if you're in heels all the better - pin him down with the point.

4. (Optional) Become a vigilante foiler of iPhone thefts.

I walked around town for the next couple of hours positively bristling with rage, ready to attack any brat who remotely resembled the attempted thief. When I went back to work later that day, word had spread and of course, someone grabbed me from behind and shouted "GIMMIE YOUR PHONE!" I nearly punched him.